Young woman asks if NS can turn her lazy, messy, croc-wearing ‘manchild’ boyfriend into a real adult
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SINGAPORE: A young woman recently turned to Reddit to ask Singaporeans a rather unusual question: can national service (NS) “fix” her 18-year-old boyfriend, who, according to her, is a “manchild, overly reliant, and horrible at basic hygiene”?
In her post on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit on Tuesday (Sep 9), she explained that while her boyfriend is affectionate and emotionally supportive, his refusal to be independent is giving her “the ick” and making her question if the relationship has a future.
“He avoids taking responsibility for simple tasks. For example, if we’re supposed to eat at a restaurant, I’ll ask him to make a reservation, but he’ll say in a joking tone, ‘Can you do it instead? I don’t know how,’” she explained.
“Same thing when he forgot his password for something. I told him to reset it, and he replied, ‘I don’t know how.’ It makes me wonder: is he really that clueless, or just too lazy to learn?”
She added that her boyfriend also doesn’t know how to order food online, struggles with fixing small things, whines whenever he can’t do something, curses constantly while gaming, and makes little effort to dress up for their date nights.
“He goes on dates in old shirts, saggy shorts, and crocs. I take care of my appearance, so it feels like there’s no effort from his side.”
His hygiene and living conditions, she said, are even more concerning. “His room is dirty, clothes are all over the floor, and he wears the same tattered clothes for years, not because he can’t afford new ones, but because he doesn’t see the point,” she wrote.
“He eats on his bed and leaves empty boxes there, his bathroom is unclean (pee on the seat, toothbrush left on the basin), and he only changes his towel every two weeks (please tell me if this is normal). When I ask him to clean up, he says I’m ‘dictating his life’ and doesn’t think it’s a problem.”
The young woman then compared him to her father, who she said is self-reliant and capable.
“I grew up with a dad who was self-reliant and always figured things out himself. That’s the kind of role model I admire and would want for my kids. Which makes me wonder: do I really want to marry someone like this? Or am I overreacting and just have different values than him?”
“This child does not love you. He just wants to date a maid.”
In the comments, Redditors were quick to pour cold water on the idea that national service could magically transform her boyfriend into a functioning adult.
“Honestly, I do not believe NS will fix this. If anything, he will like create trouble during NS which will force the unit to punish him. I previously had someone like this where his parent had forced the unit to allow said parent to bring food in for him to have meals together,” one said.
“Girl run, I’ve been in that situation and NS DOES NOT HELP!!! Trust me, get the ick and run, it doesn’t stop or get that much better,” another commented.
“Honestly, huge respect for staying for 2 years. But like others have mentioned NS will most likely not change him as it seems his behaviour is exarcebated by his parents who will most likely pamper and spoil him,” a third remarked.
“Girl, please don’t waste your youth waiting on him to change after NS. Chances are he’ll dump you after he finishes NS. This child does not love you. He just wants to date a maid,” a fourth added.
In other news, a fresh graduate is now questioning her life choices after realising that while she spent years slogging through university, some of her polytechnic friends who went straight to work are already drawing solid paychecks. Meanwhile, she is still unemployed after completing her degree.
In a post on r/singaporefi on Sunday (Sep 7), she shared that the four years she spent buried in textbooks were the same four years her peers were busy earning their first hundred thousand. One friend in particular started out at around S$3,000 a month after poly and is now making significantly more thanks to years of experience.