Maid says, ‘I feel shaky, like having a heart attack, and suffer from panic attacks whenever my employer has her emotional outbursts’
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SINGAPORE: When your job comes with room, board, and the occasional scolding, most helpers chalk it up as part of the package. But when emotional outbursts from your employer leave you trembling and feeling like you’re “having a heart attack,” it’s not just part of the job — it’s a cry for help.
That’s exactly what one foreign domestic helper (FDH) in Singapore poured out in a post on the MDW/FDH (Migrant/Foreign Domestic Worker/Helper) in Singapore (working conditions forum) Facebook group, drawing a wave of empathy and support from fellow helpers who’ve lived through similar storms.
“Is it ok that I am having anxiety, panic attacks, or a mild heart problem because of how my employer is treating me with her emotional outbursts?” the helper asked. “I feel shaky, like having a heart attack. I’m afraid to fight back because I don’t want to get a bad record. I feel like I just want to disappear whenever my ma’am is here…”
🫣 “Every time I ask for something, he shouts and says nasty words…”
And she’s not alone, as another helper shared in the comments that, “Every time I ask for something, he shouts and says nasty words.” Another helper simply labelled such employers as: “Your ma’am is a dragon for sure.”
But behind the witty jabs lies a deeper issue — the normalisation of emotional trauma in domestic spaces.
“Whenever she calls me, I tremble and my heart is racing,” recalled another helper. “I also experienced panic attacks and was sent to the E.R… (Emergency Room). At 18 months, I talked to Sir. I told him that maybe it’s time they found a new helper.
📞 “Prioritise your mental health… Don’t suffer!”
While Singapore’s employment regulations aim to protect FDHs, mental health remains a grey zone.
“Prioritise your mental health,” urged one commenter. “Our family needs us. If you feel like that, it’s better to talk to your agency if your boss is unapproachable. Don’t suffer!”
Another suggested: “It’s not ok and it’s quite alarming, I would say. Please contact your agency if there are any, or the CDE (Centre for Domestic Employees) helpline at 1800 2255 233 for advice. You might need counselling or professional help.”
🧠 “You are paid for your service, not your life…”
Not everyone agrees with the “just tahan” culture, as one group member advised the helper to, “Talk lah… why are you afraid to talk if you’re not wrong?” and added, “You are paid for your service, not your life. Don’t be afraid of losing your job — there are plenty of employers looking for a good one.”
Others advocated quieter forms of resistance: “Things you can control, ride it. Things you can’t don’t ride with it. Learn to be deaf to their foul words or you’ll shrink.”
🥹 You’re not just a maid: “Your well-being matters most!”
The distressed helper’s message sure did strike a nerve because it echoed what many helpers feel but rarely say out loud — that they are stuck between duty and dignity, caught in a job where one wrong move could cost them more than a paycheck.
One final message summed it up best: “Ignore anyone who says ‘just do your job’ or ‘try to please them,’ or ‘you’re just a maid.’ Your well-being matters most! Take care of yourself. You can always earn money later.”
💬 If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress in an FDW/FDH role, reach out to your agency, embassy, or call the Centre for Domestic Employees (CDE) helpline: 1800 2255 233.
Read related: Maid says, ‘My employer embarrasses me in front of her family when I ask for guidance; she will laugh and mock me’