26 yo woman says her mum demanded S$500 monthly allowance even though she didn’t support her education
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SINGAPORE: A young working professional has shared her frustrations online after her mother demanded a S$500 monthly allowance from her, despite not having contributed financially to her education or living expenses throughout her growing years.
Writing on the r/askSingapore forum, the 26-year-old explained that after completing her O-Levels, she stopped receiving allowance from her parents altogether.
From that point on, she said she was forced to take on part-time jobs to cover all her daily expenses, including food and transport. When she entered polytechnic and later university, she continued to rely entirely on her savings from part-time work to pay for her school fees and related costs.
“Even poly and uni education, I paid for it myself with whatever I had saved from part-time jobs,” she wrote.
Now in the workforce and drawing a salary of around S$4,000, the woman said her mother is insisting on a S$500 allowance every month. She expressed that while she understands the cultural expectation for working children in Singapore to give allowances to their parents, she feels conflicted because her mother did not provide her with the same financial support when she needed it most.
She further explained that her focus now is on saving aggressively for her future housing needs, since she cannot rely on parental support for such big-ticket expenses.
“To her, it is a must to give. I mean, I would do my part if she paid for my education and think of it as paying her back for it, but since she did not, I don’t think I am unfilial for thinking about my future too,” she said.
In an update, the woman clarified that she is not living for free under her mother’s roof. She contributes to household groceries and also takes her mother on trips overseas every year, covering most of the expenses.
She further revealed that her parents have long held on to about S$10,000 from a joint account containing all her red packet money and bursaries accumulated since primary school, which she suspects may have been lost to gambling.
“Looking for advice here may be stupid, but what do you guys think? I feel like the tension is so bad at home, I am actually thinking of moving out at this point,” she wrote.
“Children are not parents’ retirement plan.”
Her post sparked a flood of reactions online. Many echoed her frustrations in the thread and said it was unreasonable for her mother to demand S$500 every month.
“You’re not wrong and unfilial for doing this; in fact, I’m on the stance that filial piety is pure BS that Asian parents came up with to justify why they deserve that money,” one individual wrote.
“There were a couple of times where I stopped giving my mum a monthly allowance because I was barely surviving on my pay (I was earning about S$2.5k-ish back then) and she stopped talking to me for a whole month.”
Another said, “No, don’t give her the S$500. She brought you up as an investment and not as her own daughter. I’ve reasoned with my mum on this, as she didn’t pay for my education and would only give her allowance once my loans are all paid off.”
A third expressed, “Children are not parents’ retirement plan. Screw filial piety. Asian parents are so good at manipulating their kids into this stuff. They decided to be naughty one night, gave birth to us and expect us to raise them as if we owe them a life.”
Still, not everyone sided with the young woman. A number of commenters pointed out that if she was still living under her mother’s roof, it was reasonable to contribute something, even if not the full S$500. Some suggested she treat it as a form of ‘rent’ that she could reduce or stop altogether once she moved out and became more independent.
One user added, “Just give S$100+ to start or whatever amount you find can stay long enough to move out. Take it as a cheap rental and buy some time for yourself. Just remind her that you never took any money after O levels.”
In other news, a woman who has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for five years and engaged to him for nearly three years confessed that she is beginning to wonder if she is genuinely building a future with him or merely “settling”.
In a candid forum post on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit, she opened up about her growing doubts, writing, “Honestly, I keep asking myself… Am I settling with him? My friends keep telling me he’s a red flag because of his bare minimum and bochap attitude. To be honest, I also see it. He had some messy relationships before me, so maybe that’s why now he doesn’t put in 100% anymore.