‘I’m not unfilial for thinking about my future’: SG woman who paid for everything after O levels asks if she’s wrong not to give her mom money AURORATOTO GROUP

SINGAPORE: A young woman who only started working last year sparked a debate with her recent Reddit post, where she asked if she’s wrong for not giving her mom an allowance of S$500 a month. In Singapore, like most Asian countries, filial loyalty is very important, and many commenters appear to believe that she is indeed in the wrong.

She’s 26 years old and started working full-time in June 2024 with a salary of S$4,000. Moreover, she explained that she had to pay her own way for everything right after she took her O levels, working part-time to pay for her polytechnic and university studies.

“With her not even able to fork up for my education, I don’t think I can count on her for my housing in the future, so I am saving very aggressively for it, since I started working late as well,” she wrote, adding that her mother, in contrast, believes it’s a must for her daughter to give her money.

“I would do my part if she paid for my education, and think of it as paying her back for it, but since she did not. I don’t think I am unfilial for thinking about my future too.”

She added that the tension at home has got so bad that she’s thinking of moving out.

In updates to her post, she clarified that she pays for some of the groceries and that her parents have been holding S$10,000 in their joint account, which the post author thinks her mom may have gambled away. This came from gifts and bursaries given to her since she was young. She also pays for travel expenses when she and her mom go overseas once a year, though her mom pays for her own flight.

The post author added that based on her calculations, she’ll have a hard time paying for a home and renovation costs later on. She’s been giving her mum S$500 a month since she started working, even when she was still paying back some loans, but she stopped last June when she needed to pay for some annual premiums. Recently, however, she began giving her mom money again, but only S$200.

When commenters told her that the S$500 her mom is asking for is cheaper than paying rent elsewhere, she had this to say: “You are right, but what I am angry about isn’t paying S$500 for rent; it was about how she did the bare minimum for me and still expected allowance to be given to her as if she deserved it. She wasn’t financially supporting me when I needed her the most. Even after I took a gap year bc I wasn’t sure if I had the money to pursue a degree, she was the one who promised she would pay half of the loan for me, which she conveniently forgot about.”

While some commenters were unsupportive, others encouraged the post author to look out for herself.

“Just me, but I think parents should be willing to give unconditionally, and in return, children return the favour because they’re touched by the unconditional giving. If they didn’t fulfil the first, don’t be afraid to walk away,” wrote one.

“She’s exploiting filial piety, but it’s not in your interest to have this fight now. Just consider it very cheap rent for the moment. When you get your own place, you can cut her off,” added another.

Others advised her to negotiate with her mom.

“What I’d do is show OP’s mom some math on how much the savings are being cut by the S$500 allowance, and instead negotiate to lower it to S$300 to S$350 instead and tell the mom that as the salary goes up, the allowance goes up too,” one opined.

“Exactly. Offer to pay for the electricity or water bill. If that doesn’t work, bargain down to S$200 to S300,” agreed another.

“Is it normal for parents to look at their children as piggy banks where they can demand money off them? That aside, I think children should offer reasonable support. Like others have said, treat it as rent, but if your parents can afford it, then not sure why they ask,” a commenter wrote. /TISG

Read also: “You don’t give me enough” — Mum tells her jobless daughter who could only give her S$1.9K/month from her savings