Marriage, careers, and mental load: ‘Am I lazy or just burnt out?’ AURORATOTO GROUP

SINGAPORE: Like many young professionals in their late twenties, this Redditor manages a busy job, long commutes, and the emotional work of keeping a home — often feeling drained by the end of the day.

In a heartfelt Reddit post, she explained her situation:

“Before marriage, I lived with my family. We had a weekly helper, meals were mostly delivered or eaten out, and I rarely had to worry about chores. Now, things are different. My job has unpredictable hours; some days I clock out at 4 p.m., but on others, I work until 10 p.m. to coordinate with my global team. The work is fulfilling, and I’m seeing good career growth, so I’m willing to push myself, but by the time I get home — after a one-hour public transport commute — I’m exhausted.”

She mentioned that ideally, she would like to order tingkat (a meal subscription service), Grabfood (food delivery), and possibly hire a weekly helper to ease the burden. Currently, their helper comes just twice a month.

However, her husband doesn’t seem fully supportive of that approach. She suspects he is not happy about how often they order takeout or her limited involvement in household chores — even though she does help when she can, doing dishes when he cooks and pitching in with laundry occasionally.

Financially, the couple is comfortable. Their housing costs are manageable, and they can afford convenience services. Yet, an unspoken tension remains.

So she turned to the internet for advice: How do other working adults manage meals, laundry, chores — and still stay connected with their partners?

The responses offered a clear, empathetic look at modern partnerships — full of compromises, communication, and wise battles.

“There will never be a perfect 50/50”

One netizen commented: “There will never be a perfect 50/50 split, no matter how you divide things.” The Redditor underscored the need for communication and realistic expectations, especially when one partner works much longer hours by choice. “It’s not about blame; your choice to work late has consequences at home.”

The advice? Set aside at least some time during the week to meal prep or connect with your spouse, even if you can’t do it every day. A relationship can’t run on “work, eat, sleep” forever.

“Talk now before it becomes a fight later”

Many respondents voiced similar thoughts: Talk to your husband—before resentment builds. “Bottling things up never works,” one wrote. “It’ll just explode later during a big fight.”

Relationships aren’t just about sharing expenses; they involve shared expectations. What one person sees as “being efficient,” another might interpret as “avoiding responsibility.” Without open discussions, gaps can widen.

“It’s a team sport”

Another Redditor hit the nail on the head: “You can’t be calculative when you raise a family — it’s a team sport.”

If one partner decides to focus on their career, the other may need to handle more at home. “In our case, we used the extra money from work to hire a full-time helper. That way, both of us could work and still keep a clean house and our sanity.”

The idea isn’t to outsource everything but to recognise your limits and use your resources to find balance.

“Don’t give 100% to work”

Then came a different perspective—one that questioned the idea of going all out at work.

“You need to save energy for yourself and your home life,” one netizen cautioned. “Otherwise, you end up just surviving, leading to burnout, relationship issues, or worse.”

Their suggestion? Set boundaries with work. “Maybe only accept evening calls on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Say no to others. This way, you have time on other days to prep meals, clean, or just relax.”

So, what’s the real answer?

There isn’t one, exactly. Every couple is different, every career has its pressures, and every person has their limits for stress and mess, but this post — and the replies — highlight that the answers lie less in strict routines and more in the strength of relationships.

Modern marriage — especially for two career-focused individuals — isn’t about recreating your childhood home or copying your parents’ roles. It’s about building a new system together that fits your needs.

That may involve hiring help, getting meal deliveries, or letting one partner handle more chores while the other advances in their career. It might mean cooking together on Sundays or choosing to eat out three nights a week without feeling guilty.

Whatever the solution, the key is straightforward — but not easy: communicate, agree on priorities, and give each other grace. You’re not failing if you’re tired; you’re just human.

Also, humans do better when they work together.