‘My grandma disappeared into the night, came back like nothing happened’: Loving someone with dementia who refuses help AURORATOTO GROUP

SINGAPORE: A frantic Reddit post titled “Help: Grandma with dementia keeps getting lost at night” caught the attention of many. The appeal was candid and bursting with apprehension. The original poster described a nana who began getting out of the house at nighttime. She had dementia and lived alone.

The internet responded with not just sympathy, but also hard truths and heartfelt advice.

“Getting lost is the least of your worries,” one commenter bluntly stated. This hit home for many.

Others shared the same concern: a person with dementia shouldn’t be living alone. Wandering is just part of the issue. Forgotten stoves, missed medications, and dangerous falls are all risks that increase when someone is unsupervised. Dementia doesn’t improve with time; it usually gets worse quickly. “What if she slips and falls?” one netizen questioned. “What if she starts a fire and forgets about it?”

These weren’t just hypothetical questions. One person shared that their own grandmother, 98 years old and still mobile despite dementia, had fallen multiple times, even while living with family.

The uncomfortable reality: Families must step in

Suggestions rolled in: rotate family members to stay with her. Move in with her. Move her in with someone else. Anything except leaving her alone. Although not every family has the resources for constant care, many responders stressed that doing nothing was not an option.

A few suggested hiring a professional, but not just any domestic helper. One commenter cautioned, “Please don’t hire a ‘helper’ — they are not trained for this. Look into proper home nursing services instead.”

High-tech help and old-school tricks

While planning for long-term care is crucial, commenters also shared practical, creative solutions for the short term.

• Install motion-detecting cameras at exits to alert caregivers if she tries to leave.
• Use Airtags stitched into bags or clothing to track her location.
• Use inscribed bracelets or QR-coded clothing labels in case she’s found by unacquainted persons.
• Employ mild trickery to encourage her to drink water or take her medicine. One light-hearted tip involved turning tasks into games. “Instead of asking her to drink water, say ‘Yam seng!’ and toast her,” someone suggested. “It works better than you’d expect.”

All these tips, while useful, come with a sobering truth: there’s no technological solution for dementia. Tools can buy time, but they can’t replace the human presence and emotional effort that caregiving requires.

The emotional toll

What resonated in every comment, beyond the logistics and advice, was a quiet grief. “It’s sad to see someone so full of life start slowly succumbing to dementia,” one commenter wrote, mirroring the feelings of many.

Taking care of a loved one with dementia is never effortless. It’s exhausting, distressing, and often isolating. But communities—online and offline—can offer support. For the Reddit poster, the flood of responses wasn’t just about solving problems. It was about being recognised and hearing others say, “You’re not alone in this.”

What now?

The Reddit post didn’t provide a solution — just a plea for help, but maybe it marked a turning point. The advice was clear: This is no longer safe. It’s time for changes.

For other families facing similar challenges, it’s a reminder that while dementia may strip away memories, it doesn’t erase the need for love, protection, and dignity. These needs are never addressed in isolation.

If you or someone you know is caring for a person with dementia, don’t wait for a crisis. Seek support. Plan. And never forget, you don’t need to tackle everything all on your own.