Woman says her 28 yo BF refuses to settle down despite their combined annual income of S$330k
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SINGAPORE: A 24-year-old woman took to Reddit to ask if she should continue her relationship with her 28-year-old boyfriend, who “brushes her off” every time she brings up the topic of settling down.
Writing on the r/sgdatingscene forum, she revealed that despite their combined income of around S$330,000 per year, her boyfriend routinely shuts down any talk about the future.
“We’ve both been working for a while, doing pretty okay financially. I earn about S$150k/year, he earns around S$180k/year,” she said.
“I honestly think we’re in a good place to start planning, like getting a small condo (we are no longer eligible for HDB), but recently, every time I bring up the topic of settling down, like actually discussing timelines or viewing places, he just brushes it off. Says he’s not ready, wants to focus on his career, wants to be more financially secure.”
The woman expressed that although she understands her boyfriend’s desire for financial and personal security, she can’t help but feel frustrated and uncertain.
“How much more is ‘secure enough’?” she wondered. “It feels like the goalpost keeps moving, and I’m just waiting around, unsure if he’s ever going to be ready with me.”
She went on to share that she and her boyfriend came from very different backgrounds. She grew up on a landed property, accustomed to a certain level of comfort and stability, while he lived in a modest four-room HDB flat.
According to her, her boyfriend also “didn’t drive, didn’t dress fancy, and wasn’t some high-SES (socioeconomic status) guy.” Still, even with their wide socioeconomic gap, the woman said she chose him out of all her suitors back in her uni days because he “was genuine, calm, and thoughtful.”
“The thing is, many of my close friends subtly said he wasn’t really on the same page as me… but I never cared. I believed love should be about who the person is, not how much money their family has or what car they drive.”
The woman added that her boyfriend used to enjoy her company so much. They would “laugh, talk, cuddle, and be silly.”
Unfortunately, over time, he changed. He grew quieter as the years went by, and the woman admitted that although she “still loves him so much,” their emotional connection just isn’t there anymore.
“I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive or if I’m missing red flags. [We] have been together for four years, but I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m the only one still holding onto this relationship. Like maybe he doesn’t want to settle down with me… but doesn’t want to let go either, because it’s comfortable and he needs me for the physical intimacy.”
“Be ready to accept singlehood.”
In the comments, several Singaporean Redditors encouraged the woman to sit down with her boyfriend and have an honest conversation about what was on her mind.
“Ermm, you should really have a serious talk with him and see how he views your relationship. Like, does he intend to settle down with you or not? That answer itself is enough to answer all your doubts/questions,” one commenter said.
“Have a talk with him, but I think you can roughly know what to expect. If he wants to go, let him go. Don’t beg him to stay, and please, please, don’t try to get yourself pregnant just to keep him. It won’t change things, and he will still leave if he wants to,” another chimed in.
“Hate to break it to you, but if he is 28, and with a combined income of approximately 330K SGD per annum, he still has reservations about settling down with you. This says a lot about his mentality. I suggest having a serious conversation with him about this and be ready to accept singlehood,” a third added.
In other news, a local woman in her 20s recently shared on social media that her mum, who abandoned her as a child, has returned to her life only to demand that “she start working and show her her bank account.”
Writing on the r/SGexams subreddit on Sunday (Sept 14), the woman explained that it had been 18 years since she last saw her mum, who, as she recalled, never cared for her even when she was sick.
“I feel hurt, angry, and completely confused. How can someone come back after abandoning you for nearly two decades and act like this?” she asked.